Dear Family and Friends, It was a busy day, carpet men arrived early and were away in an hour. Next a flying visit to the garden centre for some plants, and then the highlight of the day a visit with a full car to the recycling centre! Now for more fun stuff dredged by me!
Punky Ducky!
Beware of little old ladies!
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values.
Bill said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?'
Larry replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?'
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.'
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, and I've decided to give your wife £775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honour,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few quid myself.'
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Accident & Emergency ward, took the husband aside and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband, 'but she's a great cook and really good with the kids ..!!!
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls British Airways and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from Heathrow Airport to New York City?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
'How was he killed?' asked one detective.
'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.
'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?
'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'
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Leslie: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Leslie: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.'
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old widower looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's arrived there.'
Thanks Ann!
Woodpecker 1 Squirrel 0 !!!
Thanks Essexweather.com
Thanks for calling by!
Cheers!
Richard.
