Old Git's Funnies: Thursday's Funnies

Thursday 19 September 2024

Thursday's Funnies

Dear Family and Friends, We made it back! I have jury rigged the computer, minus my usual bells and whistles, but at least I can be a blogger again! Here are the latest offerings from the baser areas of the Internet, which hopefully will raise a titter or two!

PS - I am 81 today, be glad there is a 17 year old trying to get out!

Sorry but I really like this stuff!

Pardon???

Thanks Robert!

Worth a few pennies!

Thanks again Robert!

He knew!!!

Thanks yet again Robert!

Ponder these!

Pinched - but wish I’d written it! Thoughts to ponder: Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?' Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds, when they already know you're broke? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"? Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures? REMEMBER, A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine! And a day without sunshine is, like...........night!!!

Thanks Stuart!